Stumble

Never let ’em see you sweat. Right..? That’s a motto many of us hold near and dear. While the naysayers and chronic complainers sound off on an hourly basis, there’s plenty of us seemingly filled to the brim with rainbows and butterflies and shit like that. 

It’s not as though every day is a wonderful, sparkling, lovely day for me, I promise. I don’t skip merrily along, filled with tra-la-la and bells on my toes every day of the week. Even jesters have bad days. 

Sat in a corner in a dank, dark room

all of yesterday afternoon

with a rusted letter opener

gouging out my vocal cords after screaming until hoarse

because no one could hear me, of course.

It didn’t matter and I didn’t mind because

the silence was kind of nice

after all that gouging and slicing.

 

 

Ripped open my chest like a slick red package

late last night

searching and cutting, looking for that beating slab of muscle

hiding beneath the gristle and bone

It didn’t happen, but I wasn’t surpised because

I had discovered

just how overused and underpaid the human heart can be

no matter the one inside you, or the one I couldn’t find in me

 

 

Climbed up out of my unconscious state

early this morning

hoping to find redemption somewhere

inside the sunrise

It didn’t happen but I didn’t mind because

I had unearthed a reason

for opening my eyes one more time

and it had nothing to do with heart or voice;

just choice.

 

 

Just choice.

–

–

–

–

–

–