TOK & Chaos


Ahh….Marcus. I was afraid of him before I was ever properly introduced. It’s true. Something in the stance — something in the way the grotesque mask seems to stare through you…make no mistake, those glitter-covered vampires over in Hollywood have no chance. THIS is barely controlled chaos and I can identify with that…and there is not a more uncomfortable feeling in the world.

Controlled chaos… that’s a nice internal description.  Most of the time the atoms and cells and ghosts that make up the ‘me’ everyone sees… its all churning and moving and drumming around inside this animated, blood-filled creature while all the other animated, blood-filled creatures pass by in a haze of Hello’s and How-are-you’s and no one is the wiser.  It’s easy to mimic a regular person with a regular smile and a regular life. Why not? I don’t make a lot of waves, I don’t make the nightly news. I just start the little undercurrents and I don’t mind.

Controlled chaos is a way to see the world when you’ve seen too much, heard too much, and sometimes you might want to escape into something unreal, despite its harshness or its possibilities in becoming reality. I feel okay with that. I’m okay with the double entendre that is my life.

Now let me step back into that other side and stare into the ugly face that is TOK…and translate his image into one that people will stare at and wonder if I’ve lost my mind.

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